Why the Holidays Feel Hard When You Have Trauma (You’re Not Alone)

11/30/2025

If the holiday season leaves you feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, or strangely heavy, you’re not imagining it.

And you’re not dramatic, ungrateful, or bad at holidays.

The truth is:

The holidays can activate old trauma in ways your body feels long before your mind can make sense of it.

Let’s talk about why…

1. Your Nervous System Remembers What Your Mind Tries to Forget

You can tell yourself, “It’s just family time. It should be fine.”
But your nervous system has its own memory.

For many people, the holidays were connected to:

• unpredictability

• emotional explosions

• high expectations

• walking on eggshells

• loneliness, even in a full house

• pressure to act normal

So when the season rolls around, your body shifts into the state it learned to survive in, even if your current life is safe.

This is not you regressing. It is your nervous system trying to protect you.

2. Holiday Expectations Can Clash With Your Actual Capacity

The world says:
“Be merry. Be social. Be close. Be cheerful. Be available.”

But trauma says:
“Be careful. Be prepared. Be small. Be alert.”

That internal conflict alone can drain your emotional energy.

You might notice:

• feeling unusually tired

• zoning out

• irritability

• wanting to cancel plans

• anxiety about family interactions

• guilt for not feeling festive enough

Nothing is wrong with you. You’re not the only one who feels this way.

3. Family Dynamics Do Not Magically Change Because It Is December

If your family system includes:

• criticism

• emotional neglect

• pressure to perform

• enmeshment

• unresolved conflict

• dismissiveness

• favoritism

• lack of boundaries

Then the holidays magnify those patterns.

You may feel obligated to:

• return to an old role you have outgrown

• tolerate comments that hurt

• manage other people’s emotions

• ignore your own needs

This is one of the most common reasons people struggle during the holidays, even if they love their family.

4. You Are Carrying Emotional Labor You Did Not Agree To

Many strong friends or adult children of emotionally immature parents feel responsible for holding everyone together.

You might be:

• the planner

• the peacekeeper

• the one who anticipates everyone’s needs

• the one who makes sure the holiday feels normal

That is a lot for one person, especially someone who is also healing.

5. The Season Can Stir Up Grief You Did Not Expect

Maybe you are grieving:

• people who are no longer here

• who you used to be

• what you never got to experience

• the family you needed but did not have

• the peace you are still working toward

Grief has a way of showing up during the holidays, even if it has been quiet all year.

If You Are Struggling This Season, You Are Not Alone

Your reactions make sense.

Your body is not betraying you. It is communicating with you.

And healing does not require you to pretend everything is fine.

You are allowed to:

• set boundaries

• keep things simple

• take breaks

• limit contact

• have mixed feelings

• choose what is best for your nervous system

The holidays do not have to be perfect to be meaningful.

They do not have to match other people’s expectations to be real.

You get to choose how you move through this season.

If You Want Support

I help adults in South Carolina heal trauma through EMDR so they can move from survival mode into safety, clarity, and reconnection.

You can schedule a free 15 minute consult with me.

You do not have to go through this season alone.

Your healing matters, and you are doing better than you think. 💛